When Kermit Met Aeryn
by robspace54
Summary: Aeryn Sun has a strange interview while on Earth in Season 4.


When Kermit Met Aeryn

By robspace54

"What is this about?" Aeryn Sun muttered, angry once more in her tenth day on Earth.

"Ms. Sun, just go in there and wait," her government guide told her. He was one of the many faceless functionaries that came and went from the mansion since the crew of Moya had arrived on Earth.

"You don't know either, do you?" She stomped away from the man and through the door, slamming it behind her. She heard the snick of a lock as the door closed and she shook her head in disgust. No matter what the earthers said, they were prisoners, and with Crichton away in a day long meeting there was no one of any authority to intercede! "Frell!" she shouted.

The room was small, the carpet was dark brown and the walls were painted beige. It reminded her of a medical bay somewhere. There was a solitary stuffed chair in the center of the room, and a long table a few motras away (she still wasn't used to Earth units of measure). The table seemed taller than most and it had a drape of white cloth around it.

She sneered at the room and the chair, but sat down anyway, flinging an upright middle finger, which she now knew was not a sign of friendship, at the mirror that covered one wall. She knew an interrogation room and a one-way mirror when she saw one.

Aeryn turned to face the mirror. "I hope you enjoy the show!" More surveillance and another mind game!

In spite of John's assurances, the humans were suspicious and who could blame them! Three spacecraft were sitting in a hanger nearby - Crichton's module, D'Argo's ship and a transport pod - all eons ahead of the primitive craft available to Earth. So the humans were bound and determined to wring any and all information from their alien visitors. And with a wormhole worming its way about the Solar System they had good reason to be nervous. And who knew what might pop out next, for if a Leviathan could traverse a wormhole, why not a Scarran Dreadnought or a Peacekeeper Command Carrier?

Still, she brushed back her hair with raked fingers, how did she expect the humans to react? With open and loving arms? She sniffed and turned as a muffled scrape came from under the table.

"Who's there?" she rose and automatically reached for pulse pistol on her hip, which was not there. All weapons had been turned over to the authorities for 'safe keeping.' "What's this about?" her head snapped to the mirror then glanced at the table where a small green figure now sat.

"You have got to be kidding me! I know you!" Aeryn crossed her arms.

"Hi!" the figure said in a squeaky voice. "I'm…"

"I know very well who you are! You're that puppet I saw on the telly!"

It was small, colored a furry light green, with a star shaped collar around its neck. White bulbous eyes looked at her, but the pupils were unmoving and were obviously painted onto plastic balls. Stick-thin arms and legs completed the figure, one leg crossed over the other, and the arms were attached to black sticks.

"I'd like to shake your hand, but you'll have to come over to me. I'm not so good at walking," it said.

Aeryn rolled her eyes. "This is a joke; a horrible Earth joke."

"Actually," the thing replied, "someone thought it might be a good idea for us to meet. You mentioned you watched me once on the television."

Aeryn shook her head and stomped to the table. "You have got to be joking."

One arm rose and the hand extended to her. "I'm Kermit."

"Okay, yeah… whatever."

"Won't you shake my hand? I've heard a lot about you."

"You're a puppet!"

"Uhm, no… not exactly, I'm a Muppet." His goofy face peered up at her. "You see…"

"Fine then! A Muppet!" Aeryn swatted the hand. "I'm Aeryn Sun."

"If you'd take a seat we can have a talk. That chair looks mighty comfy."

Aeryn's head dropped and she shook it, bewildered. Fahrbot! Totally frelling fahrbot! She wished she could blow a hole in the door, and in this Muppet thing, and run to airport and away.

"Go on," Kermit said softly. "I'm really pretty easy to talk to. And we're both sorta alien visitors in our way."

"Oh?" Aeryn asked archly. "You're an alien? Oh frell it," she muttered and sat down, throwing a blue jean clad leg over the chair's arm as she leaned back. "Fine. Fine." John's sister had tried to get her to wear clothing that was less military looking. The blue jeans and a black cloth shirt were about as far as she would go for a new wardrobe - and no dresses.

Kermit cocked his head to one side. "They told me you were a…"

"A hothead?"

"No… don't get mad. They told me you were beautiful. Maybe not as pretty as my lady friend, but there's no accounting for taste."

"You have a lady friend?"

"She's a pig - a very pretty pig," he added quickly. His head scanned the room. "I hope she didn't hear that. Miss Piggy can be…" his hand played at his collar, "sort of difficult at times."

"Difficult. Sure," she said drawing out the word. "So Kermit - species of Muppet - go on. Ask your questions. I'm sure someone will get a good laugh out of it."

"Maybe you want to ask _me_ some questions; questions about people and the Earth."

Aeryn laughed. "Oh right, mind games!" She stood and circled the chair.

Kermit the Muppet looked at her, his goofy grin unwavering.

Aeryn sighed, looked at the mirror in defiance then slumped back onto the chair. "Okay," she said in defeat. "Why are you here; here in this room?"

"To answer questions and maybe to ask a few of my own."

Aeryn chewed on the inside of her cheek then leaned forward, hands together. "Look - Kermit - I have no idea what genius thought of this - but it's stupid."

"Maybe," drawled Kermit. "But maybe I know some things about people that you don't."

Her eyes went to the ceiling where she stared hard at the TV camera high in the corner she had spotted when she came in. "You could have done a better job of hiding it," she muttered. "Okay. I give in. What makes humans so hopeful? Crichton is always…"

"John Crichton the astronaut. Is he nice? I haven't met him. First human to the stars."

Aeryn chuckled. "Is he nice?" That was a question. Was he nice? The longer the silence grew the more she got weepy. She tossed her head and looked away. "Usually. And he did get to the stars, just not quite willingly."

"Usually. Well. Good then. You've known him for four years?"

"Four cycles, yes."

"What's it like out there?"

"It's sunny; a warm day."

"No," Kermit asked and his floppy hand pointed upward. "Out there. Space."

"There's a vacuum."

"Not quite what I meant."

"Well, other than that fact of physics, it's big. Really big."

Kermit chuckled. "Oh, if Carl Sagan were here."

"Who's that?"

The Muppet waved her question away. "A scientist - now dead. He said that. Space is billions and billions stars all…"

Aeryn cut her off this time. "Right. Stars, planets, alien creatures, strange…"

"New worlds." Kermit sighed. "Sounds interesting."

Aeryn sat back and crossed her arms. "You have no idea." There was no way that she would tell this frelling puppet - Muppet rather - how dangerous it was out there and Scarrans and Peacekeepers were the least of it. So far they had edited their answers to these people about just how dangerous it really was out there - and that Earth could be in danger.

"But…" the Muppet brightened, "tell me about yourself?"

"Not much to tell."

"I hear you are a pilot."

"Yes, and a soldier, at times."

"But you're not anymore."

"No…" she tossed her head. "I got into some difficulty with my captain, and…" she held out her hands and smiled, "here I am!"

"Because you met John Crichton."

Aeryn dropped her hands into her lap. "Pretty much." So far no one on Earth knew the extent of her involvement with John, or that she was pregnant by him, or so she believed. That little secret would remain so, for if she could never release the embryo from stasis, it would be reabsorbed into her flesh. She knew other pilots, females, that had given birth, and none had been too pleased about it, or so they said. And her own mother, her breath caught in her throat…"

"Aeryn is there a problem?" the Muppet asked.

She wiped at her eye. "No, just… dust." Dust - the sort of dust that tried to kill you.

"Yeah, I know what you mean. But space, wow! That is just…"

"You don't have to keep playing the game, you know."

"Aeryn, this isn't a game," Kermit told her. "None of it is."

"For the first time I think you are telling me the truth."

Kermit cleared his throat. "That slipped out."

"A game. You know," Aeryn coughed, "I watched you on television once. You were spelling the alphabet with a little girl."

"I do that a lot. The spelling and so forth."

"It seems like a good way to teach - young ones."

"Yes, seems to work."

"It helped me, you know."

Kermit sat up straighter. "Really? That's good. Wow."

"So Kermit, tell me about yourself."

"Not much to tell. I was born in a swamp, spent my days eating flies and bugs. That sort of thing."

"Just like me. Born on a spaceship, became a pilot, that sort of thing."

"So we're the same."

Aeryn sat back. "You're the Muppet."

"You're the Sebacean. But you look like a human."

"Maybe there's a reason for that."

Kermit sat there staring at her. He leaned on his chin on his hand. "This has been interesting."

"Oh?" Aeryn sat back.

"Yeah…" the plastic eyes stared at her, his head tipping to the side. "When you saw me on TV, what did you think?"

"Ah… I was startled at first… but I was taken by the alphabet - Crichton had been trying to teach me - so I recognized the letters."

"He's been teaching you English. Why?"

Aeryn looked away but could not speak.

Kermit bobbed his head. "I see."

"Do you?" She bit her lip. "I'm not sure I want to continue this."

Kermit sat straighter. "I'm sorry. Am I making you sad?"

"No," her voice was harsh.

The puppet leaned towards her. "You know, when I get down, I like to sing. My voice isn't very good…" The figure cleared his throat and began to sing.

"It's not that easy being green

Having to spend each day the color of the leaves

When I think it could be nicer being red,

Or yellow or gold

Or something much more colorful like that.

It's not that easy being green

It seems you blend in with so many other ordinary things

And people tend to pass you over 'cause

You're not standing out like flashy sparkles in the water

Or stars in the sky.

But green's the color of Spring

And green can be cool and friendly-like.

And green can be big like an ocean,

Or important like a mountain,

Or tall like a tree.

When green is all there is to be,

It could make you wonder why,

But why wonder,

Why wonder,

I am green and it'll do fine, it's beautiful

And I think it's what I want to be."

Aeryn listened to the squeaky voice and felt herself magically relax.

Kermit finished the song and looked at her, his head cocked. "And that's one of the songs I like to sing. I think even Frank Sinatra recorded it, but I did it first."

Aeryn had no idea who Sank Finatra was, but she let it go. "Not easy being green, I think I see."

"The way I see it, you're green, just like me. You have to embrace yourself, as you are. The way I figure it, you're probably feeling like I did when I left the swamp. Oh sure a swamp is wet and muddy, and hot, but it's what I was used to. But when I came to the human world - well, everything was different. And you can't imagine how hard it is buy prime blue-bottle flies in the super market."

Aeryn stood up.

The puppet looked up at her. "Thanks for talking to me, Aeryn."

Aeryn looked down at the creature made of cloth and plastic. "I think you're smarter than you look."

The Muppet looked up at her. "Aeryn Sun - space pilot." He nodded, "It's been fun."

Aeryn faced the mirror and scowled but her eyes laughed. "Maybe that's my problem. I keep thinking I need to get back into the swamp," she muttered.

"What's that Aeryn?" Kermit asked.

"Never mind." Aeryn tossed her hair back and smiled at the Muppet. "I never thought I'd meet a Muppet."

"I never thought I'd meet a space woman."

Aeryn bent down and put her eyes at Kermit's level. "Well now you have and thank you."

Kermit nodded. "You think I could kiss you?"

Aeryn smiled. "First time you've kissed a space woman, that it?"

"Oh, I was thinking maybe if you kissed me I might turn into a prince."

Aeryn patted his head and felt the bones of the human hand inside the shape. "That would be a trick."

"Or maybe," the squeaky voice went on, "you could turn into a human. But you are a very pretty person."

Aeryn kissed Kermit on his fuzzy non-existent lips then patted his head. "I'm glad I met you."

"Perhaps we can talk some other time. I'd like to meet Rygel as well."

"I'd like that. And…"

"And?" the Muppet asked.

Aeryn rubbed the green fuzzy thing's head. "I'll try not to go back to the swamp. Bye."

"Bye, Aeryn. Don't worry about being green, either."

Her sneaker shod feet took her to the door. "Let me out."

The door swung open and Aeryn watched as it swung shut behind her.

Behind her in the room, the Muppet looked at the mirror, behind which his puppeteer knew there were at least two dozen behavioral experts, psychiatrists, and psychologists, as well as military people. "How did it go?"

Aeryn leaned against the wall as her escort approached. "I'm fine. Not that you care." She stalked down the hall and into outside, where the sky was blue, the air smelled like sea air and flowers.

She shaded her eyes in the bright light. "Yes," she hissed. "This isn't so bad. A lot better than the swamp." For the first time in several solar days, she felt the knot in her stomach unclench.

**Notes:**

**The Muppet character Kermit the Frog was created by Jim and Jane Henson, an endearing and long lasting gentle character. Since 2004 The Disney Company owns the rights to the Muppets, having purchased the rights to The Muppets from the Jim Henson Company. Property rights to the Muppets are now handled by the Muppets Studio, a Disney division.**

**Joe Raposo wrote "Bein' Green" for **_**Sesame Street**_** TV show and the Children's Television Workshop. The quoting of the entire song here is not meant to infringe upon the copyright holders, but is a tribute to the composer and the green performer, and is presented as an integral part of the philosophy of the little green guy - Kermit.**

**FARSCAPE is owned by the Jim Henson Company. I claim no ownership of the characters, situations, or stories of the TV series and the tale told here is strictly for personal entertainment.**


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